That sounds pretty meta, huh? Not trying to be fancy, just stating a fact. And it’s a good fact, really. Sometimes it doesn’t feel like it, but change really can be (and in my experience, usually is) a good thing.
Anyway, I say all this because I am about to roll out some changes to my blogging life–my ‘content management plan’, if you want to be formal about it. You see, my life now is pretty much unrecognizable from the life I led when I first started on this awesomely rewarding, sometimes frustrating, but always worth it path to being an author. When I started, I had no kids, I lived in a condo with my hubby, I commuted 2 hours a day on the bus–in other words, I had a lot more writing time on my hands. Now it didn’t feel that way at the time, of course. I’ve become convinced that our lives always feel busy, however they don’t always feel overwhelming.
Well, for the last few years my life has felt pretty overwhelming at times. I had a baby boy in November 2012. I started a new job, and my family and I moved to a new house in 2013. Then I just had a baby girl in August of 2015. Somehow, I managed to released two books in that time–Augury and STAND–but doing so took herculean effort. In other words, life was overwhelmingly busy for a spell there. But now it feels a little like it’s mellowing out, at least enough for me to lift my head and look around, and realize: holy shit, I haven’t really blogged in, like, years. And I haven’t released a book since 2014. And while I’ve been working on two projects off-and-on since then, neither of them are complete.
Cue the panic.
Cue the creativity-crushing, mind numbing, oh-my-god-I’ve-ruined-this-thing-I-worked-so-hard-for, depression-inducing panic.
In my darkest hours, I thought about abandoning the whole thing. Just walking away. God, but I hated the idea. And so did Drake. And Leah. And Luceam. And I felt like I was forsaking Matra outright. I mean, she sacrificed so much. The least I can do is tell her story, right?
But here’s reality: While I do find slivers of time to write and record the lives and stories in my head, those chunks of time are fewer, and shorter in duration than they used to be. Don’t get me wrong, it’s for good reason: I love my kids more than I thought I was capable of loving anything. But it still makes me sad that my writing time is so diminished compared to what it used to be. That’s okay, though. That’s just life–to live is to change. And I can conquer change. I’ve done it before.
I just need to redefine this new normal. So I’m going to start “small” by getting myself back into a regular blogging routine. Instead of posting most of my pieces primarily on tumblr, I’m going to be posting them here, on ellebeauregard.com. They’ll be shared to tumblr, and I’ll send out links on twitter, facebook, and google+ too, of course. My goal is to post once per week. You’ll still get things like deleted scenes, unidentified snippets of things I’m working on, and other random musings, but I’ll also write the occasional post about cool task/life management tools I’m giving a try (a little sub-passion of mine), and maybe even my thoughts on balancing life and passion every once in a while.
If you’re a blogger, and you think you might have something to share about balancing life and passion (especially if you don’t get to do your passion to make a living, but even if you do,) hit me up! I’d love to swap guest posts!
And to the rest of you, thanks for sticking with me, and stay tuned. There’s more to come.
2 thoughts on “The only constant is change.”